a cliche story. just to fill you in and this is a little random. i have always been the best friend. the one that the guy will go to so that he can try to go out with your friend. i'm the one where the guy will ask me what my best friend likes and what should he do if they get in a fight. always i have been that person. but tonight was different. one of my best friends, "layla". i mentioned her. did something that i never thought she would. i might be making this bigger than it is but i guess i just have been keeping all of these same situations bottled up that this one just let all of them loose. We were all at the movies. 5 of us and 1 guy. all of us ae friends but me and the guy were good friends. not with benefits or anything. more like brother and sister i guess you could say. anyway, "layla" is...bisexual. but she loves to flirt. big with the whole guy and get me horny sort of thing. but tonight she was flirting, like she always does (btw, i have no problem with flirting or anything like that...i'm not some prude who thinks sex is the devil...i like sex too.) anyway off topic but yea so i was sitting next to the guy friend who inconveniently was a little high...a little. not really but thats besides the point. he kept reaching over me and kept nudging her. giving her looks and he asked me if i could change seats with her so they could yea. i told "layla" if she wanted me to move she can just tell me but she was all like no i would feel bad and what not. even though she was already succeeding at that, they kept their little flirting thing on over me. i couldn't really take it anymore because a couple of weeks ago, at a school dance, the guy friend told me that he thought she was cute. another "i'm the best friend" situation so i just moved with her and basically cried? i held it in but i could tell that she looked at me once in the middle of being felt up or whatever they were doing. i never thought that "layla" would put me in the actual best fiend situation. i'd have other friends do it but i wouldn't think her. when we got up she tried to hug me thinking i was upset for something that didn't involve her but i pushed her away. he tried to some up to me but i sort of just brushed it off saying im fine. he said he didn't believe me but i couldn't really fake it when tears were falling. he tried to apologize by saying he didn't know what he did but he was sorry. he looked into my eyes like he never has before. with meaning and care like almost...i don't know
we left and i was quiet. i just wanted to scream and that fact that i sort of might have a little liked this guy friend of mine didn't help. i didn't know what to do but stare out the window as we drove off. we get back to her house and no words are exchanged between us. at all. i always talk to her. all the time. but not tonight. i leave as soon as i could and as i was in the car...i just stared outside. feeling the cold on my face. i just wanted to jump out of the car and rip all thoughts from my mind. i wanted to feel the cold asphalt on my feet. i wanted the ripping wind to take my body. make my body hollow and empty which was how i felt right then. i wanted to scream. i wanted to cry.. i wanted to go up to"layla" and yell. i wanted to go up to my guy friend and just talk. tell him how i felt. i don't know. so much was going through my mind i just wanted the world to stop. maybe just for a moment.
i don't really know why this situation of the best friend is so much bigger of a deal to me than all of the other ones but i kind of want to find out. why would she do this. i never would have thought it would have been her...why? i want to run in the cold and feel nothing else but the numbing wind on my face. i don't know what this is.
j.rose
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